AN HONEST APPROACH TO NON-MONOGAMY
With Aaron D’Souza
Are human beings meant to be monogamous? In this interview, we talk with Aaron D’Souza who doesn’t think so and is exploring this issue by being honest and upfront about his desire to have sex and be in non-monogamous relationships.
What’s inspiring about Aaron’s story?
“I figured out truths about our nature of being sexually non-monogamous on my own before having those truths confirmed by evidence and experience.”
Listen to complete podcast now
Aaron’s Inspirational Quotes and Notes (paraphrased)
Aaron grew up Catholic and was born in Pakistan. He grew up with traditional religious values and the main goal was to “find the one.”
He moved to Vancouver, BC when he was 18. The belief that you don’t have to wait to get married to have sex and the open-mindedness here in Canada was new to him.
In college, Aaron started to experience a lot of internal conflict with his upbringing and his desires for sex. He would go to church and confess his sins, but then during the week, he would look at a lot of pornography. This was a big part of the conflict between his actions and saying sorry to God for being “bad.”
Aaron found a blog called stevepavlina.com and it was transformational. Steve talks about non-monogamy being aligned with the principle of oneness.
From 2014 to 2016 not much improved. Aaron was vague and would not say that he had an interest in sex. The shift happened in 2016 when he bought a few books from Alan Roger Currie about his approach and then he started being more direct. July 2017 was the first time that he brought up his desire to have sex in his very first conversation.
In December 2017 he was on a date and his coach told challenged him to bring up sex in the first 10 minutes of the conversation. He told his date that he was attracted to her and told her he would like to explore sexual intimacy with her. She asked him to repeat it. They had a long conversation, but still, nothing happened. Since that time he’s brought it up around 30 times more with other people.
Aaron has had his first two partners concurrently for six months from August 2017 to February 2018. Aaron says it was all very open and very honest worked out well.
He strongly believes that how it is all set up is very important. He’s very honest and his first conversation. He tells his partners that their safety and state of mind is very important to them and if they are ever feeling uncomfortable they can stop.
From March 2018 to now Aaron has been practicing being even more direct through speed dating. He’s been telling women within the first minute that he wants casual sex.
He’s learning to accept the rejection.
Aaron’s guidelines: Have honest and specific communication. This type of conversation doesn’t stop after the first conversation. It has to keep happening. Whichever partner has the bigger comfort zone needs to be talking to the other partner on a regular basis. He uses the word intimacy because he believes sex is better when there are emotions involved
Aaron doesn’t want to leave this earth without experiencing his true sexuality and his true nature. And wants to share those truths with others. He doesn’t believe there’s any shame in it. He wants everyone to experience more happiness and he believes it is tied to how well our sexual needs met. And for many of the people he’s met he finds that their sexual needs are not being met.
Aaron wants to start a movement where he educates people that non-monogamy is fine.
Aaron believes in an experiential life. Relationships are the most experiential part of our lives.
Experience, test and go out on dates. Refine your methods. Learn to deal with rejection until you reach a tipping point.
Determine what you want to experience in your sex life, and then share it with your partner or potential partners early in your conversations.
Get in touch with Aaron
About the Get Inspired Talks Podcast
The Get Inspired Talks Podcast is a series of interviews with thought-leaders and change makers who want to inform, inspire and activate humanity with their important message. The series will give you hope, uplift your mood, rejuvenate your spirits and activate you to address tough local and global challenges. The Get Inspired Talks Podcast pairs information with inspiration to make action happen. Accordingly, the theme for every The Get Inspired Talks Podcast is “Inspiring Brave Actions”.